There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
