She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
