Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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