I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
