What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
