I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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