i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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