I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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