New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
