first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
