At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
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Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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