sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
