We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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