people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
