Farmville is her only friend.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
