I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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