Swine flu. Run for my life!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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