got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
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On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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