3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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