I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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