if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
