Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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