I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
