I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
