i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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