i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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