took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
