I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
