btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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