Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
