My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
