I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
