I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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