Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
