Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
