I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
