Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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