he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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