Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
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Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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