you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
