I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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