well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
