How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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