I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
