I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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