I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
