I am spending my child support on dildos
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
