I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
