I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
