Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
