dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
