You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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