You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
