My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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