I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He better not be in your backpack
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
