i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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