Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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