You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
