We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
