The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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