so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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