Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
