thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
