I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
