there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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