This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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