I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
