hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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