So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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