Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
