i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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