Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
