is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My feet surprised me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Shame - the story of my life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
