just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
