my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
