pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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