He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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