So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
