Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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