from now on my penis is your penis
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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