just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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