If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
